Query Anna is a sex line. Considering the character of topic, some articles contain language some readers discover it graphic.
Dear Anna,
How can I determine if I’m a lesbian or bisexual with choices? Comp het is actually throwing my ass. — Sad Sapphic
Because heterosexuality are, by and large, introduced since best acceptable sex getting, comp het assumes that one might decide heterosexuality automatically, in the event one is perhaps not strictly hetero, so that you can avoid these types of punishment. It’s interesting to think about, especially because not so many visitors would you like to feel her sexuality is a byproduct of endemic oppression!
Dear SS,
I know it is comforting to call a thing. I’m sure that keywords matter and in what way we use them issues, especially the terminology we affix to the identities, that make us feel just like we belong to something more than our selves. This is important for individuals, while we include personal animals, with huge mind that think a lot of about may be.
But keywords may also be slippery. And sex is just previously complex, and attraction even more very, and I’d fairly you target remaining honest with yourself, and, well, soothing a little. Your don’t need to know precisely what you want. There is no race. You can be a lesbian or queer or bi or homoromantic or pansexual if those phrase make one feel close. You may also excel to simply accept the blurriness, the messiness, and also the grey places that make up one’s sexual and enchanting life. I’ve mentioned this prior to, however when people ask you to establish your own sex in a word, you can easily pick not to. You can simply take a paragraph. Or longer. Or you can let them know to mind their particular really business. Your choice.
For many who don’t know, “comp het” stands for compulsory heterosexuality, a phrase coined by lesbian poet and badass Adrienne abundant with this lady 1980 essay “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian presence.” It appears to be at heterosexuality as a process of oppression definitely lawfully, politically, and socially enforced, and any deviation from cisgender, hetero coupling is penalized, through, as an instance, physical violence, discrimination, economic disenfranchisement, social outcasting, etc.
Because heterosexuality was, generally, provided due to the fact best acceptable sex to have, comp het assumes this 1 might choose heterosexuality by default, regardless of if one is not strictly hetero, being break free these punishment. It’s interesting to give some thought to, particularly because not so many anyone want to feel their own sex try a byproduct of general oppression!
What counts in all of this is that you are now being deliberate concerning your selections. That’s where in actuality the “compulsory” part of “compulsory heterosexuality” will come in. It’s unthinking, it is required, it is going with the status quo, it’s not interrogating whether certain choices you will be making are your you also need. Any time you hold (softly) questioning, hold examining around with your self along with your emotions, and hold 
assessing perhaps the organization you retain or get rid of of bed warrants time and fuel and regard, then you’re not compulsory regarding the choices, regardless how heteronormative our society are and continues to be. It’s also possible to find, after you’ve accepted your self as “something else entirely,” it doesn’t matter really everything you phone issues. Maybe it’s only “a blast.”
Nevertheless, i am aware the lesbian police include determined and rapid to toss her Birkenstocks at whoever DARES to call by themselves a lesbian if they are actually a small little attracted to men, but character isn’t the same task as actions, and in addition, we just have a lot of f—- to give within this lifestyle. People who decide to making more people’s sexual identities the slope they’re ready to pass away on need the compassion, yet not our very own opportunity or energy.